Habits, Life, Self help

Hello Me, It’s Me.

It’s tough watching your friends beat themselves up with their shoulds and shouldn’ts, running the circular track of their patterns.

I’m sure I do it to. I’m trying to stop it, so here I am.

“I’m grocery shopping by myself on a Saturday night,” one complained. “It’s so pathetic.”

How is it pathetic, I think. It’s just grocery shopping. Who cares when it is? Do you know how many moms would love the opportunity to shop sans kids on any night?

But it means something to her, symbolically. There is a dialogue going on in her head that only makes sense to her; entire conversations on how lame her life is. 

For some reason it struck me. I guess because it seemed ridiculous to me, so what do I say to myself that, if said out loud to others, would seem just as pointless?

What am I telling myself that keeps me running the same loop? And what’s the payoff? If I keep doing the same things, I must get some type of benefit. I think it’s time to really start listening to my inner-me-chatter. I think maybe it’s time for that bitch to go.

Habits

Between Two Walks

I did not forget again. Well, I remembered, then I forgot, and then I remembered. I really thought that writing every day for just a few minutes would be a piece of cake, but as I try to do it I didn’t realize what a time crunch I am living in. No wonder I always felt so harassed all the time.

But at the same time, it doesn’t Beyoncé only have 24 hours in a day? Granted she may have some assistance and “people”, but then again I am not doing a world tour or have any photo shoots coming up. At least not yet.

So far this experiment has been illuminating. I didn’t realize that I was always rushed for a reason. I thought I just had a bad attitude. Nay, my life says, your inability to write on a regular basis is confirmed due to life.

Going forward I think I’ll have to write prep more – like get all the meals planned and not hit the snooze button in the morning. Even this had taken me dictating during a morning dog walk and finishing up after an evening dog walk. 

I don’t know how I’m gonna do it but I have to find a way.

Habits, Self help

I Don’t Need A Hug, I Need To Run Laps

Most of the self-help out there is crap. I know because I write some of it. 

Motivational posts, writings on wellbeing, bringing “balance” to your life (I just had to spell check “balance”, that shows much of it I don’t have).

I suppose it must work for some, or maybe not at all since it’s a huge industry and people keep consuming more of it looking for answers. 

Every day it’s a struggle for me. There are only so many hours in the day, so it’s not about balance, my day is about priorities. And never mind about support. My husband will do something if I chase him down about it, but that’s more in the nagging genre.

I have been self-helping for 20 years, and it hasn’t changed me much. My fault, you say. Maybe. But I am who I am.

However, I may have found an ally. Have you heard of Gary John Bishop? I bought one of his audiobooks, mostly because I liked the cover – I’m a sucker for tattoos. One morning commute I found myself laughing as he was yelling in his thick Scottish accent “You’re going to die! Everyone dies! That’s it!”

This is someone I could get behind. 

I don’t want to analyze my relationship with food, or someone to tell me to explore my childhood, or to meditate. I need an ass kick and someone to tell me to knock it off. 

I don’t need therapy. I need a drill sergeant.

Habits, Running

Oops. Running, Not Writing.

Shut up it’s been over a week since I posted. 

It’s a shame, cause I write all the time. In my head. During commute, walking the dogs, making my coffee. Always when I’m doing something else and my hands are occupied. Relevant and interesting topics too. Swear.

This morning I did a little Halloween 5k run with my sister. We used to do half marathons and she considered a full marathon for a while, but those days are behind me for now. I did Disney runs where it was 10k one day and a half marathon the next, mostly for the three medals I would get, but training takes up too much time. I would be getting up at 5 am seven days a week. Pass on that. 

Difference: I got married, and now have two dogs. Keeping a Labrador and Australian Cattle Dog tired past the point of destruction is a part time job in itself. Now with a longer commute (It used to be 4 minutes! FOUR MINUTES! The sacrifice I made for love!), and a husband that likes to snuggle, changes had to be made. 

The 5k was fun, and I’ll post pictures later when my sister sends them to me. We are doing a Turkey Trot next month, and I want to improve my time. I have the running mindset of longer distances, which is very hang back-hang back-ok now GO. Must learn to push earlier and longer. Nothing like being 10 minutes behind a lady pushing a double stroller to motivate you, regardless of how badass she is (monster!).

Still can’t believe how much I lagged in my new writing goal. Learned, I have. This is going to take a little more concentration.

Habits

One A Day

An assignment: to post to my blog once a day for 30 days.

Why? I need to get in the practice of writing, and making time for it.

I always envisioned writing taking place at a wooden desk, facing a window with a view, in a starched white shirt and wearing glasses (although I don’t need them). In reality I just need to lock myself in a closet for a few moments.

BUT, I have always wanted to write, have always written, and have scores of files stuffed with miscellaneous notes and starts of things.

So I am just practicing. I’m curious, too, to see if this takes me somewhere or nowhere.

For now, I offer my sleeping pup as amusement.