Habits, Humor, Life, midlife, Running, women, womens lit

Shut Up, Pants!

Did I quit running? I’m not sure if I did. I ran and ran for four years, and now? Meh.

It started with a Super Spartan, then Disney Princess runs and Star Wars runs – half marathons, 10ks, a couple of 5ks in there to keep me honest. But now….

I know I need something to train for. I can’t just run to run. With my impending move to a much higher altitude, I’m also intimidated. I have low blood pressure and heartbeat already – I’m afraid I’ll pass out somewhere along the road in a new town.

I can see it now, me laying on the side of a country road, slightly concussed, calling my husband.

“Come get me. I’m concussed.”

“Where are you?” He would say, already in the car.

“I don’t know.”

And woe is me if I had our cattle dog with me, his baby.

Excuses, you say? I agree. There is nothing easier than being middle aged and lazy.

I have started to stalk online a running club in my new town, thinking it will get me running and social (I am terribly introverted and so is my husband. Peas in a pod!).

However, I have noticed that my excess chub isn’t melting away like it used to. Before I could just use the power of thought, but now, post 40, it seems things have changed. At least that’s what my pants keep saying, and boy are they vocal!

“Lunges. Remember lunges?”

“When’s the last time you did a sit up?”

“A lap around the block wouldn’t hurt ‘ya. Take the cattle dog.”

Pants are nags. Not like tops.

The tight armholes in my blouses are more like “Well, this is interesting”, and my jersey tees just talk behind my back with my bra, something about doing push-ups and maybe dips. Jersey tees are kind of passive aggressive come to think of it.

The bra? She’s just doing her best. Definitely not an instigator.

Maybe I will. Maybe I will start running again, just to shut them up. Stupid clothes. At least my leggings and tech tees are supportive. They’ve been clamoring to get out of the drawer anyway.

Aforementioned baby.

Life

Professional Coffee Rainstorm Dog Word Mangler

It’s been a good ten days since I took the pressure off. The constant narrative of “I should be writing, I should be writing”, once gone, is such a relief.

I found myself in a better mood, more relaxed, able to laugh more. I even enjoyed a movie or two. And then…

The voice started again. How would I describe this room, that person? Tighten it up and make it concise?

I read a book. Listened to an audiobook, tried to tease apart the details in Sherlock Holmes (which I listen to every night as a lullaby).

I read over my old writings. They’re the same as now – not that good, but with some insights and humorous parts, but too self absorbed for an audience. I really entertain myself, but others? Not really. There’s a lot of skill that goes in to that, and I haven’t learned it.

For now, I love words, books, the escapism and the relatable humor. But I also love dogs, rainstorms, going for a run and coffee. Doesn’t mean I’m going to make a career out of it.

I really do have to find my Next.

Life

What A Podcast Can Do

I’m listening to a podcast that is telling a real story about a mentally abusive and manipulative man. In it, interviewees are talking about the red flags of his behavior and things he did, which eventually led to his death. 

As I listen, I’m learning about how emotionally abd mentally abisove my ex-husband was. When I was married to him, I thought things were off, that the rug was constantly being yanked out from under me. But now I am listening to similar behaviors being described about someone else, and the impressions it left on people, and while I’m listening I’m thinking “oh yeah, I know that move” and “jeez that’s familiar”.

I was with him for a long time. I know him like the back of my hand, and I didn’t know him at all.

I have found out, just recently, about things he did (and didn’t do) when we were together. 

I learned that I can’t believe anything he ever said to me unless it was substantiated by a third person. Let me modify that – a third person who I personally knew would not lie for him. In our 13 years together, I only know one, and we didn’t go around that person that much.

I told my current husband about it, that I may be more affected than I thought I was, but he said it was ok, he kinda knew but married me anyway. He is on the business of reading people and interviewing them, so there’s not a lot I can hide, even unintentionally.

Gosh. I hope I don’t have nightmares tonight.