I had a countdown going on for a minute there. It was for my vacation, in case you were curious. I had all kinds of plans for the blog countdown – a quick post daily, photos of the dogs every day so then I could make a cute video. Whole lotta nope.
I can think of two schools of thought to that – either I’m putting too much pressure on myself to do something that is a hobby, OR, stop being a lazy, procrastinating asshole. You can probably tell I agree more with the latter. Because I am a jerk. An undisciplined jerk.
Now that I’ve explained, I need a new countdown date. I have a bday with a zero in it coming up, so I could do that. No I will not say which decade I will be entering because you would be shocked, shocked and dismayed, by my immaturity. My emotional development stopped somewhere in the high teens but luckily I have other qualities that balance that out. Or that’s what I’m assuming because I do have friends that aren’t family and I am married so someone likes me.
Holy crap I just googled it’s less than 60 days until I am ?0.
Did I tell you I grew up in a boarding school? Well, I grew up in a boarding school. One of the first things they did will drill in the importance of schedules. We all (twenty or so) would have to sit in the common room and draw our own schedule charts.
This is good when you are young and wild and unruly. Now, I think I would be considered in the more stringent term of “regimented”, which can make things a wee bit boring. This was kind of the point of this blog, to make me think about my days because you can pretty much set your clock by me.
I know my dogs do. Especially Mayhem. And she likes it. When I do something out of order or the timing of things are disrupted, she is fully aware.
However, for me, the human, it makes it hard for me to change things up. You know, thrill myself by vacuuming in the morning instead of the afternoon, pushing back snuggle time to work on a project. I will want to work out, or do some writing, but discover I’m 15 minutes past my target start time so I won’t do it, then start early on the next thing. Oooo an extra load of laundry. Goody. And so I get bored. Cage of my own making.
Anyhow, just thoughts, and me mixing up my evening by doing this blah blah post.
There has been much celebrating, in the form of rolling on the ground, biting ankles, biting toys, scavaging for rabbit poo, and barking just to bark. I think she wanted to burn the cone under the full moon and dance around it.
I was hesitant to take the cone off, but my husband said the stitches were done doing their thing, and most of the healing under the scab was done. It’s nice having a paramedic / EMT spousal unit. It’s like having a reference book you don’t have to carry around. And what am I a reference for? Well, if he is interested in story structure and genre and themes and the hero’s journey, well, he knows who to turn to.
Took the pups on a hike today. A new trail and I was getting quite bored. Trees rocks snow, kaaaaay. Then I met some people coming up the trail and they mentioned caves. Caves? Yes, I will cross the stream twice over slippery, crackling ice to see limestone caves. And we did.
Mayhem’s surgery went well. Vet techs gave me all these instructions about what she can and cannot do, how much to eat, drink…but they couldn’t get her down the hall by themselves and she had already gotten out of her cone – I had to go get her LOL
Vet invoices already sent on to pet insurance. Hey, everyone, get pet insurance
Poor Olive wants to hike and walk, but the snow is so cold it burns, and when it hurts she doesn’t hold her paw up for help – she lays down in the snow. I had to drag all 70 lbs of her out of the unplowed cul-de-sac
I slept through my alarm this morning. Swear it was that drink I mentioned yesterday.
Going through my chapters this afternoon, and I really have to stop myself from editing as I go. I just recently learned that you were just supposed to charge through. You’re supposed to come back later, several times actually: tweak your story, then your writing, then micro-tweak your sentences. I’ve always jumped to micro-tweak.
I’m so sick of this damn story I dread going through it again, but I promised myself that I would finish it. I wish I got a developmental editor years ago, even if it was just for a month or two.
Took Mayhem to the vet this morning for a cyst on her front paw. They don’t like the look of it and think it might be cancerous, surgery scheduled for tomorrow morning. I have to admit that I did cry in the waiting room. I am still very scarred about what happened with Max, but I also learned a lot.
Stay calm, don’t freak out, wait for test results. In the meantime, love and play.
I’ve been living off of miso soup and protein shakes. Of course I blame the reason for my headache-y lethargy to not taking my multi. Yeah, no. I have chapters and six (short) scene analysis due on Thursday morning, which is just three short sunrises away and I do my best work in the a.m., so I have got to get it together.
A few weeks ago, I ordered some samples from a company that has mushroom based protein powder and coffee and elixer/potion stuff. I accidentally drank one of their “chill” chai latte at work, having read the word “latte” and assumed it was a pick-me-up. It was so not. I was very relaxed that evening and I think I went to bed at 7:30. All of this to say I have another sample packet of said “chill” and think it’s just what I need tonight. And not to worry – I don’t get paid from the brand to promote or anything. I mean, who reads this besides me?
My lights just flickered. I CANNOT lose power. Tomorrow the high is 2 degrees. Dos. Degree-os.
Major win today: Getting two booties on Olive. The sound the plastic hitting the ice is hilarious. It’s what I kind of always hear in my head when she’s walking anyway – she is soooo flat-footed and the most ungraceful labrador-golden(?) I have ever seen. It’s like she’s got platypus feet – plat plat plat plat…..
I did get two booties on Mayhem, who promptly sat down and Yoda-ed her ears until I took them off, then she ran away. We both knew that was the only outcome that could ever happen.
Was up at 4:15 am and felt a bit proud about that, but still a bit panicked about the upcoming cold snap. Negative 26 degrees won’t crack the house open, I think, but I’m scared of things happening: pipes cracking, septic tank exploding…I can’t imagine what -26 feels like but I’m about to find out. Last year the lowest was -13. I wanted to get out of the heat and humidity, but as usual, I overshot.
Ate a huge pancake right out of the pan,
Kept a baking show on the TV all day to keep me calm,
Two loads of dishes,
Scrubbed the fridge,
Shoveled snow from the side steps, and walkway, and created 2 dog paths. It’s not melting anytime soon and the weather app predicts clouds with light blue stabby knives coming out of them, whatever the heck that means, but it can’t be good,
Rolled-up towels and blankets to stop drafts, my addiction to rubber bands coming in handy and secured the rolls with them,
Took the dogs out for mini-walks. They were so happy to go outside but got cold pretty quick and looked at me accusingly,
Took a two-hour, man-sized nap,
Smeared Aquafor on my face like three times,
Brought in some miscellaneous pet toys that were outside, and
Threw carrots to the bunny that is living under the front porch.
Skipped dinner, which I may regret soon, but Day 1 down.
Death was following me around for a little while, and I feel like I’m finally coming out of the dark. In 2020 my Labrador died slowly, then my Dad died quickly, then in 2021 my grandfather passed, and then a dog I adopted. All in less than a year.
My heart and my mind were heavy. Leaden, really. I knew in my head that others lost more, but it was still hard.
I don’t remember the holidays last year, or the ones the year before. Thank god I keep a planner otherwise I wouldn’t remember anything that happened or when. Everything is like in a big soup in my brain. That’s right, I was supposed to research trauma stages today and just remembered.
So that’s where I’ve been, in my Me-Soup. But what I’ve learned is: adopt another dog, it won’t be the same but they will still bring joy; and be a fierce and unapologetic advocate in a family members healthcare, no matter what doctors or facilities say.
But like I said, I’m seeing an end, and so a beginning. I’m thankful for my family, for two healthy pups, for bending over in laughter with my husband, for watching deer cross my lawn. You know. Small but big stuff.